I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I pour the whiskey from now on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
