No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
