i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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