Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
