also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
