happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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