yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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