just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
