That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
