I look better un-naked...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
