Swine flu. Run for my life!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They have beer where we have blood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
