I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
