Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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