2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize