4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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