WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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