Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His hands were made for my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
