my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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