i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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