Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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