This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
