I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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