I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
