i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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