i don't like sucking hair
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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