end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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