My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
