I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
