Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
