I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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