So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
