we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
