i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
