i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
