You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
