I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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