i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
