she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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