the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
worst night to have a conscience
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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