This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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