this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
