how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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