Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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