My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
