I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
