Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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