if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they're like a gay fantastic four
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
