Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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