: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He better not be in your backpack
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
