Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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