they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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