hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
