I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
