I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
