Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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