This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
