I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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