Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
