she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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