I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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