Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
