You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
