"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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