I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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