Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
