I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
